The Selfie: More Than Just a Picture
Let’s start with the selfie. When front-facing cameras hit our phones, they seemed harmless—a fun way to capture moments with friends, but they quickly became tools of self-criticism. Suddenly, everything was about appearance—endless photos, filters and comparisons. For today’s teens, selfies aren’t just pictures—they’re public displays where every photo is a chance to curate an “ideal” self. And the toll? High levels of anxiety and self-doubt as kids compare themselves to flawless, filtered images they can never match.
Since the “selfie culture” took off, young people’s mental health has nosedived. The pressure to look perfect, to measure up to impossible standards, has left teens struggling with anxiety, depression and a painful sense of inadequacy. They are constantly measuring themselves against unattainable standards, filtered faces and artificial bodies and growing up in a world where likes define worth.
In the UK alone, mental health problems among children have become a national crisis and the waiting lists for therapy are at breaking point . Meanwhile, parents are often blindsided by just how bad things have gotten. Since the rise of the selfie culture, rates of anxiety, depression and body dysmorphia have skyrocketed, particularly in girls. In the UK, mental health issues among children have doubled in just the last decade. Recent statistics show that 1 in 6 children aged 5-16 now has a probable mental health disorder .
It’s not just about looks. Phones have become the lens through which children and teens view the world—and the content they’re consuming is increasingly disturbing.
The Hidden Role of Big Tech
Selfies are just the start. Social media companies make billions by keeping our kids hooked, using every tool in the book to capture their attention. The longer they scroll, the more ads they see, the more money is made and they simply don’t care about your child’s well-being.
The algorithms behind these platforms aren’t accidental. They’re meticulously designed, with the input of neuroscientists and behavioural experts, to exploit the vulnerabilities in your child’s developing brain. Here’s where dopamine comes in. Dopamine, the brain’s “feel-good” chemical, rewards us when something feels rewarding. Social media platforms are crafted to provide unpredictable dopamine hits, similar to how slot machines work. One scroll could be nothing, but the next might bring a like or a comment. It’s addictive, pulling teens back to their screens for that next hit of validation. The unpredictability of these rewards keeps your child coming back—scrolling, swiping, refreshing, desperate for that next hit of validation. These platforms are masters of manipulating emotions: a quick scroll through your child’s feed can deliver everything from a self-esteem boost to a pang of jealousy, followed by anxiety and the relentless fear of missing out. Behind the scenes, these companies profit with every second of attention they steal.
A Vulnerable Generation
Why are teens so vulnerable to this? It all comes down to brain development. The adolescent brain is still developing, particularly the prefrontal cortex, which governs impulse control, decision-making and social behaviour. This part of the brain doesn’t fully mature until around age 25, meaning that teenagers and children are far more susceptible to the dopamine-driven manipulation of social media, gaming and online content. With dopamine reinforcing every like, win, and follower, young brains get “trained” to crave constant digital rewards—pulling them further from real-life moments.
The result? Struggling with focus, difficulty managing impulses, and a decline in genuine, face-to-face connections. Social media keeps them engaged, but it costs them their peace of mind and emotional well-being.
The Digital World: Unattended in an Adult Space
It’s tempting to believe that “kid-friendly” apps are safe zones, but that’s not the reality. Even apps marketed to young people can show harmful content. There is little oversight of what is shown to your child and the algorithms are always designed to push the most attention-grabbing—and often harmful, graphic or disturbing —content. This is why they need the limits to be set by adults.
Imagine the average day of a 13-year-old girl. She starts scrolling as soon as she wakes up, seeing endless streams of perfect faces, diet tips and unattainable beauty “hacks.” Even when she knows it’s unrealistic, the comparisons creep in: Am I enough?
Meanwhile, her phone is filled with group chats and boys messaging her. Some are kind, but others send messages that make her uncomfortable. A boy is asking her for nudes. He says everyone’s doing it, that if she doesn’t, she’ll be labelled “frigid.” She knows it’s wrong, but the fear of rejection, of being excluded, is overwhelming. She feels trapped in a cycle where the price of not engaging means social isolation and bullying. When in school, there is the constant fear of “muggies” - other kids taking unflattering pictures and sharing them online. This creates a constant state of anxiety.
You she gets home and tries to do her homework; the constant attention-grabbing notifications are endless. Then, as the day winds down, she is back in bed, phone in hand, scrolling through posts again. The feeling of never being enough follows her to sleep. She can’t remember the last time she felt truly present or content. How could she, when every moment is spent in comparison, seeking validation that never lasts?
Or think about a 13-year-old boy, drawn to the competitive side of social media and gaming. In his world, life is a competition—who looks the coolest, who has the most friends, who can get the most likes. Strangers have direct access to him through apps like Snapchat, WhatsApp and Instagram and the content he’s seeing? It’s designed to keep him hooked—notifications popping up every few minutes, pulling him back in. These apps are expertly crafted to capture his attention, his time, and ultimately, his mental health. Gaming becomes his escape. Every day after school, he dives into the digital world where he can be anyone he wants, where winning means everything and losing is devastating. He’s increasingly isolated, spending hours online in hyper-competitive gaming environments, sometimes exposed to toxic comments and aggression. Offline, he struggles with real-life interactions, feeling disconnected from genuine friendships and positive role models.
The loneliness that comes with this? It’s profound. Too many children and teens are becoming more isolated, struggling to form real-life friendships and spending far too much time in a digital world that doesn’t care about their emotional well-being. The rise in cost-of-living crisis means parents are likely stressed and working and extended family is diminishing. However, teens brains are biologically wired to look up to role models during this time period. This leaves space for online content creators like Andrew Tate to fill the role.
Porn is a very real issue. Like it or not, if your child has a phone, it’s almost inevitable that they will come across porn. I’m not talking about accidental clicks or a few inappropriate jokes—I’m talking about violent, graphic and deeply troubling content. Teens are being exposed to material that’s not only inappropriate for their age but is rewiring how they view relationships, sex and respect. It is available at the click of a button. It’s not hidden away on high shelves like it was for generations before you. Now, it’s in their pocket, high-definition and accessible anytime they want. The unintended consequence of this is far reaching. For example, it used to be that for boys to have any sexual encounters with girls, they would need to build up the courage to ask someone out and begin dating. Now … there’s no need to work up the courage to talk to a girl and risk the rejection of asking her out, you can simply search on google. The dopamine rush they get from explicit content satisfies their brain's craving for excitement without the risks of real-life interactions, turning sex into a transactional act devoid of connection. They no longer need social skills. In fact, their online interactions become their safe space, because no one can reject them there. But outside their digital bubble, they feel lost, disconnected and socially awkward.
The result? A generation of too many boys growing up without real relationships, lacking emotional intelligence and in some cases, developing resentment toward women because the real world isn’t as easy as the one in their screens.
The Impact on Relationships and Respect
Social media has changed how kids interact. Relationships have become disposable; someone can be “blocked” or deleted instantly. This leads to a breakdown in conflict resolution skills - why bother learning conflict resolution when you can just delete someone from your feed? Kids are quick to exclude others, to gang up on someone, or to spread rumours. The cruelty is sharper and more cutting. Too many children don’t know how to form genuine bonds because so much of their world has been spent in the shallow waters of online friendships.
So, where do we go from here? We can’t just ban all phones and social media (though, let’s be honest, some days that feels tempting). Our children’s mental health is at stake. The digital world they’re navigating is complex, overwhelming, and, frankly, dangerous. But technology isn’t all bad—it offers connection, education, and fun. The goal is balance, helping kids see screens as tools, not lifelines.
The Balancing Act: How Technology Can Still Be a Positive Force
It’s important to remember that not everything about social media, gaming, or online platforms is inherently bad. In fact, when used in moderation and with intention, these technologies can bring tremendous value to our lives and our children’s lives. Platforms like YouTube, while sometimes problematic, also offer tutorials, educational content, and creative inspiration for kids who want to learn new skills or explore their hobbies. Gaming can be a great way for kids to relax, unwind, and even collaborate with friends, provided it’s done in moderation and doesn’t replace other important activities like physical play or socialising. They offer ways to stay connected with friends, make plans for real-life hangouts, access educational resources, and even unwind through entertainment.
But there’s a difference between using technology as a tool and becoming trapped by it. Our job as parents isn’t to demonise screens, but rather to help our children learn how to use them in healthy and balanced ways. Just like we wouldn’t let our kids go out into the world without teaching them about road safety or stranger danger, we can’t send them into the digital world without guidance. It’s up to us, as parents, to step in and guide them through it and help them build the resilience and awareness they need to find meaning beyond the screen.
Parenting in the Digital World
As parents, we know that sometimes screens offer much-needed breathing space. Life is busy, and occasionally using technology to keep your child entertained while you catch up on work or just take a break is perfectly normal. It’s not realistic to expect that we can ban devices entirely or micromanage every moment of our children’s online time. In fact, trying to do so would likely backfire, causing more tension and secrecy around their tech use. The key is ensuring that screens don’t become a substitute for real-life connections, family time, or outdoor play.
The truth is, kids can’t be expected to regulate their own tech use—especially when the platforms they’re on are designed to keep them hooked. Children and teens are still developing the part of their brain that governs self-control, decision-making, and impulse regulation. They may not understand how much time they’re spending online or the long-term impact it’s having on their mood, concentration, or self-esteem.
That’s where we come in. Our role as parents is to set boundaries, offer support and model healthy habits. This doesn’t mean policing every second they spend online, but it does mean staying engaged, asking questions, and offering alternatives when screen time starts to become overwhelming. It even means looking at our own screen time – something I found very hard to do!
Tips for Parents: Supporting Your Child in a Digital World
Set Screen Boundaries Together: Discuss why boundaries matter and involve your kids in setting limits. Don’t expect a child or teenager to self-regulate their phone use when they’re up against experts who design apps to keep them glued to their screens. Set clear limits, such as no phones after a certain time or restricting specific apps, and explain why. They’re more likely to follow guidelines they help create.
No Phones at Mealtimes: Mealtimes should be a phone-free zone. This is a chance to connect with your child, hear about their day and engage with them in the real world. Make this a firm boundary in your home.
Model Healthy Habits: Reflect on your own screen use. Kids notice and mirror our habits, so demonstrating mindful screen time makes an impact.
Promote Real-Life Activities: Encourage hobbies, sports, or family activities that don’t involve screens. These experiences help them form real-life connections and self-esteem.
Check In Often: Ask about what they’re seeing online and how it makes them feel. This builds trust and opens the door for them to share if something bothers them.
Check the Content: Take an active role in what your child is consuming online and have honest conversations about what they might encounter online. Talk openly about the risks of online predators, harmful content, and the pressure to look perfect. Create an environment where they feel comfortable coming to you if they encounter something that makes them uneasy.
Explain Dopamine and the Brain: Kids need to understand why they’re so hooked on their phones. Explain how dopamine works and how apps are designed to keep them engaged for as long as possible. Empower them with this knowledge.
Promote Real-Life Interaction: Encourage your children to participate in activities that don’t involve screens—sports, hobbies, or simply spending time outdoors. Help them rediscover the joys of real-world friendships and experiences. If your child is chatting with friends, encourage them to make plans to meet up in person. Remind them that digital friendships should complement—not replace—face-to-face relationships.
Be the Parent, Not the Friend: It’s tempting to be the "cool" parent who lets their child have free rein online. However, your child needs boundaries, structure, and guidance more than they need unlimited screen time. As their parent, you should set the rules.
Teach Mindfulness About Screen Time: Help your child become aware of how much time they spend online and how it makes them feel. Encourage them to notice when screen time starts to make them tired, anxious, or irritable and suggest taking breaks when needed.
Model Healthy Digital Habits: Children learn from what they see. If we’re constantly glued to our phones, they’ll pick up on that. We must show them how to balance screen time with other activities, using technology positively for learning, creativity, and connection—not just endless scrolling.
Comments